Married or unmarried?
One of the most common arguments against the idea of marriage I’ve heard and read hundred of times is that “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love” and in most cases, the persons sustaining that have an air of superiority like they said something deep. lol.
First of all, the purpose of that piece of paper is not to prove the love for someone, but the fact that both of you take seriously your engagement for each other.
Let’s speak it openly – “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I love you” actually means: “I want to be free to leave you anytime without legal complications” or more directly: “I’m with you now but I want to keep my options open in case someone better than you comes in the way”. And usually, sooner or later, comes.
A good long lasting relationship implies that:
- partners love each other,
- they have a good level of intimacy
- they are committed to each other.
That piece of paper points to a commitment to each other, not necessary to love or passion. We all know that even in this century there are marriages that are made taking into considerations other things, like social, emotional, political, financial and/or religious purposes and they’re not necessarily based on the love of partners for each other.
So, why do some persons refer to marriage like being only a proof of their love?
I guess it’s their defense mechanism against the idea of commitment and fidelity, in general. These individuals want the benefits of a committed relationship without being actually committed. If both of the partners agree to this idea, I suspect none of them truly love each other but only pretend to be in love.
Love changes people in ways never imagined until then, and in many cases, one of these changes implies gladly accepting the idea of marriage. Fidelity is another hot issue which
Fidelity is another hot issue which holds back partners from the idea of marriage. By definition, marriage implies the fact that you promise to the other one that you’ll remain faithful to your partner. Don Juan types will never like the idea of marriage and many of them will try to seduce you with sweet words like “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love, darling!”. I bet they don’t!
Another argument brought against marriage is the fact that married people argue a lot and are not happy with each other. True. But all these are true for many of the unmarried couples as well. Why do they stay together? Probably for the same reasons unhappily married couples remain together.
Personally, I love the institution of marriage, it’s one of the institutions that greatly contributed to the humankind’s progress if you ask me. Otherwise, we’ll still be living like in primitive commune society knowing for sure only who our mother is not the father.
As I could see, married people strive more for their relationship than those that are not married. They go more often to a marriage or family therapists when they face difficult times (and every normal couple will face them) than those that are not married. More often than not, unmarried partners choose to leave their partner and look for someone new when things are not going well in Paradise, rather than putting effort in managing the conflictual times.
Generally, married couples offer a more secure family environment for their children. You might want to argue that there are families that fail to provide a safe home for their children and I agree with you. But usually, kids are taken from these families and put into foster homes.
However, in general, the relationship of married parents differs significantly from that of unmarried parents, and the difference has some important consequences for their children.
Marriage is the institution that offers social and financial security, if it were not so, LGBT community would not have fought for same-sex marriages. I guess this is the main reason why “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I love you” is not enough for them, right?