I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love

marriage

Married or unmarried?

One of the most common arguments against the idea of marriage I’ve heard and read hundred of times is that “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love” and in most cases, the persons sustaining that have an air of superiority like they said something deep. lol. 

Really? 

First of all, the purpose of that piece of paper is not to prove the love for someone, but the fact that both of you take seriously your engagement for each other. 

Let’s speak it openly – “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I love you” actually means: “I want to be free to leave you anytime without legal complications” or more directly:  “I’m with you now but I want to keep my options open in case someone better than you comes in the way”. And usually, sooner or later, comes. 

A good long lasting relationship implies that:

  • partners love each other,
  • they have a good level of intimacy  
  • they are committed to each other.

The need for intimate relationships

 

That piece of paper points to a commitment to each other, not necessary to love or passion. We all know that even in this century there are marriages that are made taking into considerations other things, like social,  emotional, political, financial and/or religious purposes and they’re not necessarily based on the love of partners for each other. 

So, why do some persons refer to marriage like being only a proof of their love?

I guess it’s their defense mechanism against the idea of commitment and fidelity, in general. These individuals want the benefits of a committed relationship without being actually committed. If both of the partners agree to this idea, I suspect none of them truly love each other but only pretend to be in love.

Love changes people in ways never imagined until then, and in many cases, one of these changes implies gladly accepting the idea of marriage. Fidelity is another hot issue which

Fidelity is another hot issue which holds back partners from the idea of marriage. By definition, marriage implies the fact that you promise to the other one that you’ll remain faithful to your partner.  Don Juan types will never like the idea of marriage and many of them will try to seduce you with sweet words like “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love, darling!”. I bet they don’t!

Another argument brought against marriage is the fact that married people argue a lot and are not happy with each other. True. But all these are true for many of the unmarried couples as well. Why do they stay together? Probably for the same reasons unhappily married couples remain together. 

Marriage benefits

Personally, I love the institution of marriage, it’s one of the institutions that greatly contributed to the humankind’s progress if you ask me. Otherwise, we’ll still be living like in primitive commune society knowing for sure only who our mother is not the father.

As I could see, married people strive more for their relationship than those that are not married. They go more often to a marriage or family therapists when they face difficult times (and every normal couple will face them) than those that are not married. More often than not, unmarried partners choose to leave their partner and look for someone new when things are not going well in Paradise, rather than putting effort in managing the conflictual times. 

Generally, married couples offer a more secure family environment for their children. You might want to argue that there are families that fail to provide a safe home for their children and I agree with you. But usually, kids are taken from these families and put into foster homes.

However, in general, the relationship of married parents differs significantly from that of unmarried parents, and the difference has some important consequences for their children.

Marriage is the institution that offers social and financial security, if it were not so, LGBT community would not have fought for same-sex marriages. I guess this is the main reason why  “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I love you” is not enough for them, right?

 

Share your thoughts

  1. I am also married and living happily with my kids and husband. So no such great issues to think about this.but your way of thinking and writting about this truth of our life impress me a lot.

  2. I get the concept that having a piece of paper doesn’t mean anything, but in reality it does. Having that piece of paper signifies that you take the commitment seriously. So serious that you are willing to make your union legal.

  3. I don’t think it matters, love is love! I personally love marriage and can’t wait to get married one day

  4. This is a hot topic but it’s very well written. A piece of paper proves a lot of things and not just love. You’re going to spend the rest of your life with that person and not just spend it but share it as well. That piece of paper will make things easier for both of you, well, that is if you’re true to one another.

  5. I think the reason the people fixate on that piece of paper is that piece of paper becomes a contract that the government has chosen to enforce in all sorts of interesting ways. I am all for marriage and commitment. But I am not sure I like the way the government enforces that contract between two people. That is where I have the problem. Not the marriage or the commitment. Just the way the legal system has chosen to enforce that commitment when things don’t go as planned.

  6. I appreciate this thoughtful post. I agree that a piece of paper does not prove your love is real. I do believe in marriage and being completely loyal, committed and responsible for all aspects of the union.
    Happy Weekend Friend! xo Debbie

  7. I think this really depends on the couple. Some prefer that piece of paper and some don’t. I only believe in commitment, I will probably get that piece of paper just to satisfy my parents.

    • I’m glad for you being happily married. I also have friends that are not married and seem happy to the others. Except that almost anytime I meet with her alone, she confesses how much she’d like to be married to her lover, who is strongly against “that piece of paper”, not matter how many arguments she brought to him. She does not confess to anybody else regarding this issue, so all their other friends think they are both happy the way they are. 🙂

  8. This is such a great topic. My husband and I believed in marriage. I have been married to him since I was 19. But I also understand those who do not want to get married as well. For instance, my older brother and his wife were living together for 16 years before they said I do. They adored each other all those years and were very committed but felt differently about marriage which I totally understood and respected.

    • I’d curious to know what makes them change their mind, who came with the idea of finally getting married and how long have been thinking of marrying each other before they actually did it.

  9. Oh yeah! You hit that right where I have always thought. It’s a wonder that I even went through the whole “I don’t need a piece of paper to say that I love you” bull. And yes, I finally settled down with someone that is more my type and kind-hearted. We do have that piece of paper. We have been together almost 11 years come December.

  10. I strongly believe in marriage too and have been married 9 years. I have friends that have been with their significant other for as long but don’t want to get married. No matter what benefits I tell them, they don’t want to. Who am I to judge? They do what they want. 😉

  11. What a thoughtful post. It’s a very interesting read to see from someone else’s point of view.

  12. Interesting perspective – thanks for sharing! There’s no shame in saying “let’s take it to the next level!” Plus there’s the party 😀

  13. I can see the point that a piece of paper doesn’t make your love more real. But it is the act of committing to a marriage and fidelity and everything that goes along with that paper that is the important part.