For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you never walk alone.
If you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one
at the end of each of your arms.
Everyone wants to have a harmonious happy intimate relationship. I do not think there is any person in this world wanting to enter into an intimate relationship with the expectation of having a toxic relationship and to suffer all sorts of physical and emotional abuses. As a matter of fact, people in the grip of hot new romances don’t even bear the idea that her or his partner can hurt them someday. No. That could happen to other people, not to them. They are so romantically involved and are convinced they fired the love jackpot.
At the beginning of any relationship, it is normal to be mindful of certain aspects of his/her personality that seem appealing to us or that we consider important from our point of view. Every person notices something else in the other, depending on what makes them happy. Some are paying attention to some traits like tenderness, generosity, romanticism, cavalry, loyalty while others may be looking for a spirit of adventure, curiosity, authenticity, honesty, sense of humor, etc. Obviously, not all of us have the same tastes and preferences when comes about a longterm relationship.
However, I wonder if there is a unique feature of character that we should all want, for it is so important that we can not have a happy couple relationship if it is not present in the one we are in love with. And if it is, what that would be?
A recent study revealed that 82% of women and 70% of men believed that kindness is the most important quality you need to look for in a partner if you want to have a happy relationship “until death makes us part.” Even the degree of communication or sharing the same set of principles and personal values have not surpassed in importance this character trait.
My guess is that kindness is the foundation of good communication between partners. For sure, in every intimate relationship, there will be conflicting situations. Kindness is what every partner need to solve them in a much more constructive way than anything else. If both partners are characterized by kindness, we can definitely say that there will be no emotional and physical abuse in that relationship. A kind person does not harm her/his partner.
Deeds of kindness are equal in weight to all the commandments. (Talmud)
What about the second personality trait preferred in a romantic partner? I choose respect. Respect for the individuality of the other, for her/his different opinions, preferences, and moral values and religious convictions. But one cannot respect the other as long as he does not respect himself.