Have you ever heard someone bragging about having or having had an attitude of opposition to authority, especially to paternal authority? Well, be on guard against such people. Given that in their original family it was not safe to express frustration or anger, they could not oppose openly to parental authority, especially when the father was a dominant parent who never allowed the child to say No to him. The persistent hidden attitude of rebelliousness pushed them to become passive-aggressive and to use other ways to express frustration or rejection in their relationships with others.
The passive-aggressive partner is not going to ever say openly that has something against you, or that is bothered by your attitude. Instead, he’ll approach you with a smile and carrying a long knife (or a gun!) held tight at the back.
Do not make the mistake to think he has no patience to wait until the right time to revenge, he can wait in dark for years. And don’t bother to reproach him/her something when he/she hits you the first time (usually you’ll find it was him much later) because he’ll deny so vehemently that may even convince you that he’s innocent as an angel.
As I said at the beginning, the passive-aggressive behavior has its deep roots in the spirit of rebelliousness against the authority figure. You cannot help a person with the passive-aggressive personality and it would be better for you to send them to undertake psychotherapy or stray away from such a relationships. However, if you must for some reasons to continue the intimate relationship and can not afford to end it, be careful.
How to deal with a passive-aggressive partner
How do you deal with a passive-aggressive boyfriend or your passive-aggressive girlfriend if you are forced to interact with him/her on a deep level of intimacy?
1. First of all, do not let him to take control of the relationship. Put some limits and tell him directly what your expectations are. Most time than not, the passive-aggressive will not want to be responsible for any decision and he blames you when things go wrong.
2. Whenever it is possible, communicate with him in writing so that he’ll be faced with whatever has said. If you can not communicate by writing, talking to him having a third person present.
3. The passive-aggressive people tend to procrastinate when they don’t like to do something instead of simply refusing. Set clear limits and confront him with the consequences of his actions. Even that he did not want be honest with you, so that you may be prepare on how to deal with him, you do not have to behave the same way. Tell him clearly what he has something to lose and stick with your decision. And if his attitude does not change, proceed accordingly. It’s a mistake to tolerate the aggressive passive-tricks, for he won’t learn anything from it.
4. When you want to give him a negative feedback, address him by his name to feel responsible for what he said or done. Or he did not. Sometimes, your passive-aggressive boyfriend or girlfriend may promise solemnly to do something that is important for you and need to be done at a certain time. You count on his promise thinking he’ll take care of that, only to hear him at the end of the day telling you candidly: Oh, sorry, I simply forgot!, ruining your business.
5. Show your aggressive-passive boyfriend or girlfriend that you understand their behavior and that you can’t be you cannot be manipulated. Confront them with that fact that you’re no longer willing to continue the relationship unless they change their attitude.