What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is that interpersonal behavior involving the exercise of fundamental rights of each individual. Also, it implies the socially adequate expression of thoughts and feelings in a way that does not violate the rights of other people.
Let’s imagine an XY axis, where we have “x” at one of the extremities for shyness and “y” for aggressivity. Well, assertiveness is located exactly at the point “0”, at an equal distance to both unhealthy attitudes.
Shyness Assertiveness Aggresivity
Some of the assertive rights:
1. Being the only judge of what I say and do.
2. To ask for what I want (recognizing the right of others to say “no”).
3. To take my own decisions and be responsible for them.
4. To be independent.
5. Do not give reasons and apologize for my behavior, if I don’t want to, but not to be impolite or rude.
6. Not to be responsible for discovering solutions to the problems of others.
7. To change my mind.
8. To make mistakes.
9. To say “I don’t know”.
10. To say “I do not understand”.
11. To say “I do not care”.
12. To get in touch with others without being dependent on their opinions, approvals, and confirmations.
13. The right to privacy.
14. To say NO or YES without feeling guilty.
15, To accept what I like.
16. To refuse what I do not like.
17. To give negative feedback when someone/something disturbs me.
18. To refuse the undeserved criticisms.
How to become more assertive
Identify and express correctly, clearly, concisely your own desires, interests, feelings, rights.
Avoid generalizations and assumptions about what others think or feel.
Be clear about what bothers you regarding the behavior of others and how that makes you feel.
Use statements that begin with “I” to express feelings, so as to amend the negative behavior, but not the other person.
Avoid labeling others.
Avoid being ironic, sarcastic.
Constantly evaluates what you feel, what you think while you are socializing with your colleagues, friends, partners.
Ask for feedback for what you said.
Be ready to receive negative feedback and constructive criticism.
Be aware of your own style of communicating and giving negative feedback.
Good luck! 🙂