Sunday free associations #7. About friendships

When it comes about friendships, things are a little more complicated that appear to be. They say true friendship is a rare thing, it was in ancient times and it is now. 

If you want to lose your friends, try repetitively to sell something to them. Maybe Herbalife products, or Avon or Amway or a handmade traditional blouse you make it. This is a recipe that sure will work to remain completely alone.

For God’s sake, I though I’m your friend, not your customer. If I were interested in the products you sell, I’d ask myself, you don’t have to put them under my nose anytime we meet for a coffee. 

Thinking about this, is there true friendship today? Or we have just “social friends” – people we meet for small talk or who we travel with because don’t like to travel alone.

 

What is friendship anyway?

Generally, people are attracted to people who are similar and the first thing when they met someone new is to establish areas of common ground as soon as possible. The questions about likes and dislikes, or about profession and the place where live – they all lead to establish that common ground. If they’re very different at this level, the conversation stagnates and none of the participants don’t feel the need to get on the personal level. Friendship starts by going to that personal level with someone. You feel good to have such many things in common, like the love for traveling, playing tennis or eating healthy etc. and you want to share more of your time and thoughts with that person.

 

What does it make a good friendship?

 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to be taken for granted. And I don’t like the friendships that are unequal as many of the relationships are.

One person puts all her/his heart in the friendship, while the other just accepts it but puts very little effort to maintain it. One does all the phone calls and social arrangements, while the other is passive. I don’t like that. I don’t like to put everything on the plate for a friend and got nothing in exchange for my efforts. Friendship should be a two-way traffic, not one way road. And if you call me only when you need something from me or when you want to sell something to me, the relationship stops here.

And a good friendship is about mutual support too. If I’m always lending a listening ear to your problems,  but when I’m going through difficult times find out that you’re not reciprocated the same way, I might be thinking twice if I still want your friendship.

Share your thoughts

  1. Friendship is absolutely one of the most important things in the world. To have friends and not to have friends you live two very different lives. Support, care, concern and loyalty are essential for any good friendship.

  2. What a great post and I have to say that I’ve turned away from friends who started taking me for granted. I agree with your perspective and I think true friends do know their boundaries.

  3. For me a cherished friendship is like a family member that you chose to be in your life. Sometimes friends do more for us that our own family. So I nurture those close friends as they are family to me.

  4. I feel like friendships get more complicated and at the same time, more simple, the older you get. You get to know what’s important, what needs the effort and what doesn’t. You have less time for BS and more of an appreciation for sincerity.

  5. To have a true friendship there must be equal effort. Once you realize a person who you thought was your friend is not putting forth the same effort into the friendship, it is best let them go.

  6. I think there are definitely still true friendships. However, I think that we all have different levels of friends. Some are just surface or social friendships while we may have just a few of those real, true friendships. I really do agree with you about friends constantly trying to sell to you, though. It can be very annoying!

    • I usually call “acquaintances” persons I see at social meetings, not friends. And I prefer the collocation “social relationships” rather than “social friendships”.
      And yes, it is very annoying to see a friend that always is trying to sell you something.

  7. Ohh man I have so many “friends” on FB who reach out to see how I am, only to try to sell me something. At least let me answer before you tell me how wonderful your leggings are. haha

    • :)) Oh, right, I was contacted facebook too. I have to learn how to set the facebook account to hide the fact that I read the messages.

  8. Agreed! Friends do buy and support each other, but they don’t sell relentlessly. In fact, selling to friends should be outlawed. IF they want what we do they know where to find us

  9. I hope the people selling all that stuff read your post! It’s so true – friends don’t endlessly sell to friends! Nobody wants to just be considered a potential customer.

    • Actually, friends should only inform that they sell something, if I want to buy I know where to find them.