There is no doubt that we are a social species who need interpersonal relationships to develop and evolve. But that does not mean that we need to relate to any person we meet at any given time if that relationship becomes toxic to us. That’s why sometimes is better, even life-saving, to avoid certain people. I’ve made a list of some categories of people you should avoid if you want to live a good life. I’ve learned this the hard way, and even now I cannot say I’m completely free, but I’m on my way to get rid of toxic people. Anyway, first step to avoid toxic people is to to remove them from your iPhone.
You are the average of the five people that you spend most time with. (Jim Rohn)
People you should avoid:
- Envious people. They are harder to recognize than you think because they try to camouflage their toxic feelings with more socially acceptable ones, like (false) admiration. Envious people envy you for about anything: your success, your look, your ideas, your intelligence, your family, career, fortune, car, house, beauty optimism or any other positive attributes. What is really scary is that even your partner, the one who is supposed to love you, actually may envy you. Even your best friend. And this should not come as a surprise: it is known that generally, people envy those around them and to whom they may compare (are perceived as being at the same level). If you have any relationships in which you don’t feel comfortable to tell your partner about your accomplishments because you fear his or her reaction, that should be a huge red flag that the person is toxic to your life. True friends are genuinely happy for your happiness and well-being. They don’t try to diminish it with negative comments in order to ruin your day.
Never underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy to destroy. Never underestimate that. (Oliver Stone)
- Sociopathic and psychopathic personalities. Sociopaths are those people who are not able to feel empathy for others and generally don’t feel remorses for hurting people or animals. More, when they see someone else in distress, even someone close to them, like a family member or a friend, deep down don’t really care about that. Psychopaths may appear outwardly normal but they don’t possess a sense of ethics or respect for the rights of other people. True psychopaths can’t be identified at first sight because they have learned to be kind and sweet when they first meet you. Later on in intimate relationships is when their devious and cunning personality is revealed. These people are the more toxic people ever because they are capable of wearing a mask as long as it needs to deceive you. They can be physical, verbally and emotionally very aggressive and in some circumstances, they are capable of murder. But even if they don’t kill you, they’re emotional vampires who will eventually sap you of your power, time and mental energy.
Psychopaths… people who know the differences between right and wrong, but don’t give a shit. That’s what most of my characters are like. (Elmore Leonard)
- False friends. They approach you with the air of wanting your friendship, while they simply like talking about themselves and their lives and are in search for someone who listens to them. False friends don’t show any sign that they are interested to hear what you want to share with them.They are your friends as long as they’re getting something from you, be that material things or time, energy, attention, support, higher connections or any perks with which they are being benefited from.These people usually to have a lot of emotional baggage and use you to constantly dump their baggage on. All the conversations with them will center on what is going on in their life. They make you feel like it is your job to fix their problems when it isn’t, all they need is professional help. At times they will make you believe that they’re your only friend and they need badly your help, and others just hate you. They can be very manipulative and truly isolate you from everyone with their lies. Unfortunately, empathetic people with low self-esteem fall for these selfish persons.
False friends are worse than bitter enemies. (Scottish proverb)
- The Takers. There are some people in this world who would constantly take, and never give back or reciprocate any service you do to them. They usually take advantage of the givers and people pleasers. That’s why we need to be assertive and learn to say No when we encounter such people, no matter how much you love them. The takers tend to be self-focused, approaching people after evaluate what can offer them.They tilt reciprocity in their own favor, putting their own interests ahead of your needs.
When takers talk about mistakes, they’re usually quick to place the blame on other people. (Adam Grant)
- Pessimistic People – Keeping pessimistic people in your social circle will be a poison to your success. They can make it hard for you to find motivation when you are feeling doubtful. Their outlook on life will rub off on you and cause you to be a less ambitious person.
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. (George Bernard Shaw)
- Angry people. There are people who simply cannot control their anger and become furious very easy for any reason. In most cases, they will blame you for making them angry, while is obvious they are seriously troubled. Some of them are narcissistic and are angry when you don’t admire them as they think they deserve, while others are psychopaths who have seizures of uncontrolled rage. The psychological profile of the angry is that of a man or a woman who are temperamental and hypersensitive to criticism and has a set of irrational beliefs about life and the world in general. Everything he/she dislikes deserves to be punished because it is right. The angry man’s behavior is similar to that of a criminal. His twisted spirit of justice leads him to assign sentences of imaginary condemnation to people who mistake them in one way or another.
People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining. (Stephen Hawking)
- People who drag you down. Negative people are notorious for dragging their friends, partners, children or colleagues. They always have a comment like “This is not going to work, you’ll fail. Why do you want to get involved in a startup, you’re making a big mistake. Don’t try that idea, you’ll ruin your life” when you are thinking about starting up a new business or just leaving your boring job to do what you’re passionate about. Also, you should avoid as much as possible people who constantly criticize you for anything you do, or that make nasty comments about the way you look or call you names to make you feel miserable. They always belittle your successes like there is nothing special in what you managed to achieve. They usually are trying to make themselves look good by making you look bad. At times, they may be even using you for making up for a lack in themselves.
You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people. (Joel Osteen)
(photos from pixabay.com)